Here Are The Top 37 Things Dying People Say They Regret. Learn From It Before It’s Too Late.
January 10, 2014 Entertainment
Everyone goes through life experiencing enough mistakes and resulting damage that, by the time they are old enough, they have regrets. They say hindsight is 20/20 and when you look back at your life you will know what moments you should have changed. However, we want to help you out. Forget hindsight. We’ve compiled a list of the 37 things you must not do or else you will definitely regret them at the end of your life. Just read through these and trust us. It’ll be worth it.
1.) Not traveling when you had the chance. Traveling gets harder as you get older, as more people depend on your presence, day-to-day and it ends up becoming more expensive to bring more people with you.
2.) Not learning another language. You probably took years of another language in high school. You should put it to good use.
3.) Staying in a bad relationship. It may feel hard to get out of a bad relationship, but it’s not worse than staying in it and wasting everyone’s time.
4.) Forgoing sunscreen. It may not seem like much, but sun damage adds up over the years, causing wrinkles and discoloration.
5.) Missing the chance to see your favorite musicians. You never truly know when your favorite band might break up, so seize the day.
6.) Being afraid to do things. Fear can paralyze us, but we can’t let it.
7.) Failing to make physical fitness a priority. As you get older you’ll realize how important it is to take care of your body.
8.) Letting yourself be defined by gender roles. Define yourself, don’t let society do it.
9.) Not quitting a terrible job. You may need to pay rent or provide for a family, but you can’t force yourself to be miserable every day.
10.) Not trying harder in school. Grades are important, but what’s more important is learning how to apply yourself and be dedicated.
11.) Not realizing how beautiful you are. There are many definitions of beauty and you shouldn’t think you’re unworthy of someone’s attention.
12.) Being afraid to say “I love you.” Loving another person is a precious gift, even if that same love wasn’t returned.
13.) Not listening to your parents’ advice. They have a lot more experience than you’ll want to give them credit for.
14.) Spending your youth being self-absorbed. There is more to the world than just you and eventually you’ll realize that.
15.) Caring too much about what other people think. When you’re older, you’ll realize that the opinions of others don’t factor into your true happiness.
16.) Supporting the dreams of others over your own. Being nice is one thing, but sacrificing your happiness isn’t worth it.
17.) Not moving fast enough. Don’t hesitate to make decisions, you’ll end up regretting wasting time.
18.) Holding grudges, especially against those you love. Choose to let go of your pain, instead of dwelling on it.
19.) Not standing up for yourself. Just because others may disagree with you, it doesn’t mean you have to abandon your principals.
20.) Not volunteering enough. There are countless reasons to help other people, especially when they are needy.
21.) Neglecting your teeth. Flossing and brushing may seem annoying, but it’s much better to take care of your teeth while you’re young instead of losing them later.
22.) Missing the chance to talk to your grandparents before they die. They hold a lot of knowledge and they will only be around for a little while.
23.) Working too much. You’re going to miss the good parts of life, or be too stressed to enjoy them, if you do.
24.) Not learning how to cook one good meal. It’ll add to your family and friend get togethers more than you can ever imagine.
25.) Not stopping to appreciate the moment. Quit texting or taking pictures and realize what you are doing when you are doing it.
26.) Failing to finish what you start. Every day is an opportunity that shouldn’t be squandered.
27.) Never mastering one awesome party trick. This seems silly, but just think of how many amazing memories you can create.
28.) Letting yourself be defined by cultural expectations. If your family or country thinks you should do something for a career, you’re not forced to. Never.
29.) Refusing to let friendships run their course. Sometimes people drift apart. Forcing that connection could do more damage than good.
30.) Not playing with your children enough. Kids are joyful and innocent. You should be choosing to fill your life with this joy, not avoiding it.
31.) Never taking a big risk (especially in love). Taking a bigger risk can pay off more than taking a smaller one.
32.) Not taking the time to develop contacts and network. It may seem like schmoozing, but it’ll help your career in the long run.
33.) Worrying too much. Worrying, especially about things that haven’t happened yet, is useless.
34.) Getting caught up in needless drama. Drama can be addictive, but there is no point. Don’t get off on how bad your day is.
35.) Not spending enough time with loved ones. We are all on this earth for a limited amount of time, don’t take that for granted.
36.) Never performing in front of others. This may not be your true calling, but trying it at least once is an important life experience.
37.) Not being grateful sooner. Learn to say thanks and learn to mean it. So many parts of your life will improve if you do.
It’s never too late to change your life, so start by avoiding these things.
You won’t regret it. (See what I did there?) Share this article with your friends so they can have the same advice.
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Saturday, January 11, 2014
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
9 Questions that can change your life
9 Questions That Can Change Your Life
I’m fascinated by what makes for a significant life.
As someone who wrote a book on happiness and fulfillment (although I don’t claim to know everything about these subjects!), these tend to be topics I think about a lot.
I’ve had the privilege of interacting with many people who are leading lives of purpose, humility, courage and commitment.
Based on these interactions, I’ve come up with a list of nine questions that these remarkable people ask themselves regularly.
I’ve no doubt that the following nine questions have the potential to change your life.
1. "What do I want people to say about me at my funeral?"
This might seem like a sad or morbid question, but it isn’t. We’re all going to die one day. Asking ourselves this question helps to frame our current life in terms of our eventual death.
On the day I turned 22, I distinctly remember thinking to myself: “22 isn’t that young any more. There are so many people who die before the age of 22. I’m going to die one day. The question is: Am I going to really live?”
That’s a question I continue to ask myself daily.
Do you want people to remember you as a loving, kind and generous person? If so, then the time to start living as a loving, kind and generous person is right now, not when you’re on your deathbed.
2. "Do I truly value my closest relationships?"
Most people would answer “yes” to this question.
I’ve met some people, however, who claim that they value their family, but who spend almost all of their time at work or engaged in their hobbies—and spend hardly any time with their family.
Their claim doesn’t appear to be true.
If you want to know what a person truly values, just look at the way he spends his time and money. Words alone don’t count for much.
The quality of our relationships largely determines the quality of our life, so let’s be intentional about building the relationships that mean the most to us.
3. "How can I add more value to other people?"
People who lead remarkable lives understand that the world doesn’t revolve around them. The billions of other people on the planet represent billions of opportunities to serve and to make a difference.
Remarkable people focus on contribution instead of achievement.
4. "Who can I encourage?"
We’ve all come to a point in life—myself included, of course—where we realise that life is full of struggle, disappointment and pain.
It’s at these times that we need someone to tell us that he or she believes in us and that we’ll get through the difficult situation.
We can all be that encouraging person to someone else today.
5. "What do I have to be thankful for?"
Just about every study on happiness shows that there’s a strong link between gratefulness and happiness.
Why don’t more people express gratitude on a regular basis?
I think it’s because it’s human nature to focus on the negative and to complain. But I’m certain that if we think of just one thing each day to be thankful for, we’ll be significantly happier!
6. "What do I need to let go of?"
We all carry emotional baggage around with us: Frustrations, hurts, resentment, bitterness, hatred, insecurities.
When we take the time to reflect and to become aware of what we need to let go of, we’ll be able to develop a plan to deal with these issues.
This plan might involve having a heart-to-heart conversation with your parents, asking your friend to forgive you, or apologising to your sibling.
Simple steps really can rid us of excess emotional baggage.
7. "What fears do I need to overcome?"
Most of the time, we should interpret fear as a signal to advance, not to retreat.
Four years ago, my biggest fear in life was public speaking. One day, I decided that I just couldn’t let this fear defeat me any longer. I promised myself that I’d take every opportunity I could to overcome this fear.
I volunteered to give presentation after presentation and talk after talk. To my surprise, I eventually discovered that I enjoy public speaking.
In many ways, it’s ironic that today I’m a professional speaker who absolutely loves his job, given that I used to be terrified of public speaking!
I’ll be the first to admit that I still have plenty of fears to overcome, but I’m convinced that our lives become richer and more abundant when we consciously face our fears.
8. "What is one thing I can do right now to make the situation better?"
This is an empowering question, which helps us to focus on the factors that are within our control.
On the other hand, these are the kinds of questions we instinctively ask ourselves, but which aren’t usually helpful:
•Who can I blame?
•Why is life so unfair?
•Why is no one sympathising with me?
•Why am I such a failure?
•Why are other people so much smarter than me?
Remarkable people refuse to ask these questions, and instead concentrate on just one thing they can do right now to improve the situation.
9. "Who do I admire most?"
Do you admire people who lead balanced lives, or people who have a laser focus on just one objective?
Do you admire people who are task-oriented or people-oriented?
Do you admire people who are wealthy, even if they’ve acquired that wealth through unethical—although not necessarily illegal—means?
Who we admire will subconsciously influence who we become, so we should be careful about who we look up to as role models.
In closing…
These nine questions aren’t easy to answer. If they were, there would be many more remarkable people around.
I know that I need to reflect on these questions daily, and that I have a long way to go if I want to become a person of character and commitment.
Together, let’s build lives of meaning and significance. The world is counting on us.
Daniel Wong is a learning and personal development expert, as well as a certified youth counselor. A sought-after speaker and coach, he is also the best-selling author of "The Happy Student: 5 Steps to Academic Fulfillment and Success". He offers programmes to help students become both happy and successful and to help parents to connect more effectively with their children. He writes regularly at www.daniel-wong.com. Download his FREE e-books, "The Unhappiness Manifesto: Do You Make These 150 Mistakes In The Pursuit Of Happiness?" and "Singapore Scholarship Guide: The $500,000 Decision".
Monday, September 30, 2013
Linked between Giving and Happiness
Giving and well-being are strongly linked, according to a study in Singapore by the National Volunteer & Philanthropy Centre (NVPC).
Conducted by NVPC with Singapore Management University (SMU) psychology professor David Chan, the study showed that people in Singapore who volunteer or donate are more likely to be satisfied and happy with their lives.
The study found that among people who volunteered or donated or both, two-thirds (66 per cent) were satisfied and happy with their lives, NVPC said in a statement on Monday.
In contrast, among non-givers, less than half (45 per cent) had high subjective well-being, the organisation said.
The study also found that a higher proportion of those who served 12 or more volunteer hours in the past 12 months had high subjective well-being compared to those who served less (71 per cent vs 63 per cent).
Also, a higher proportion of those who gave $100 or more in the past 12 months had high subjective well-being compared to those who gave less (72 per cent vs 59 per cent), according to the study.
It found that the pattern of findings remained after taking income status into account.
"Happy people are more likely to give, but people who give also tend to become happier. This is because the act of giving not only benefits the recipient but also leads to positive outcomes for the giver," said Chan, who is also director of SMU's Behavioural Sciences Institute.
"When you give, you derive a sense of personal meaning from helping others. You also become more grateful for your own life conditions as you appreciate the situation of those who are less fortunate," he added.
The study, using a nationally-representative sample, is part of NVPC’s Individual Giving Survey 2012.
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Sunday, September 1, 2013
The A to Z of being happy- 26 simple things you can do today to improve your life
Do you want to be happy? Of course you do.
As someone who wrote a book about happiness, I spend a lot of time thinking about the subject.
I’ve observed that being a happy person isn’t rocket science. Instead, it’s about making consistent, intentional, simple choices -- something that all of us can do.
I’ve come up with an A to Z list of things you can do to find happiness and fulfillment.
Here they are:
A: Apologise when you’re wrong
Humble people are happier people. We’re all human, so let’s say sorry when we've messed up.
It’s better to save the relationship than to save “face” by refusing to apologise.
B: Build strong relationships
To a large extent, the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives. Let’s invest in the relationships we value.
C: Complain less
We love to complain. But the more we complain -- especially without also offering a possible solution to the problem -- the unhappier we become.
If we complain, let’s do it constructively. As the saying goes: When we’re whining, nobody’s winning.
D: Dare to be different
Trying to live up to the expectations of other people or of society puts you in the fast lane to unhappiness. Dare to think different, act different and be different.
E: Encourage someone daily
We all go through seasons in life where we feel discouraged or confused. Make an effort to encourage at least one person each day.
F: Focus on what you can change, not on what you can’t
Here’s an empowering question for us to ask ourselves throughout each day: What is one thing I can do right now to make the situation better?
The answer to that question will guide you toward an action you can take immediately.
G: Give others the benefit of the doubt
We almost always give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, but we don’t often extend this grace to others. If we did, we’d save ourselves a lot of frustration, annoyance and anger.
H: Help others with no strings attached
Giving of our time and resources is sure to make us happier in the long run.
I: Identify the toxic people in your life and stay away from them
I’ve heard it said that you’re the average of the five people you spend most of your time with. I think that, by and large, this is true.
Identify the toxic people in your life, and minimise contact with them -- before you become just like them.
J: Join a community
Human beings are designed to exist in community. Find one -- be it social, spiritual or activity-based -- and be an active member.
K: Keep to an exercise and sleep schedule
If we’re not leading a physically healthy life, it’s hard to grow in other areas.
L: Laugh at yourself
Take your work and your responsibilities seriously, but not yourself.
M: Make an effort to be interested in others
I haven’t met a single person who didn’t have an interesting life story. If we’re genuinely interested in other people, we’ll form a stronger connection with them.
N: Never stop learning
The older I get, the more things I realise I don’t know. Education should be lifelong, even if schooling isn’t.
O: Obsess over the right things
Our obsessions define our legacy.
Will we be obsessed about loving people and adding value to their lives? Or will we be obsessed about watching TV and reading the latest celebrity gossip?
The choice is ours.
P: Praise others when praise is due
When you see someone do a good job, give her a sincere compliment. You might just make her day!
Q: Question your assumptions about life
What assumptions do you have about life? That you need a university degree to succeed? That reading books is boring? That you don’t have what it takes to make your dreams come true?
Challenge these assumptions in order to prepare yourself for future success.
R: Reflect daily
Take five minutes each day to reflect.
In particular, think about the way you’re using your time and money, because every second and dollar you spend is a message to the world about what you truly value.
S: Stop caring so much about what other people think
You can’t please everyone all of the time, so don’t even bother trying. Live a life of character, commitment and courage -- and ignore the naysayers.
T: Take a break
Work is important, but we also need to make time to relax, especially in this stressful society we live in.
U: Utilise your resources wisely
As people who live in a developed country, we have many resources at our disposal, both online and offline. With the power of the Internet at our fingertips, “I don’t know” is now almost never an excuse.
V: Vary your routine
We’re creatures of habit, but changing up our routine can break the monotony and make life more interesting and exciting.
W: Write down your goals and review them periodically
Most of us are goal-oriented, but few of us put down our goals in writing.
Writing down your goals -- and reviewing them regularly -- helps you to take stock of your life and to ensure that you’re making progress in the right areas.
X: Express gratitude daily
(I know, I know… “Express” doesn’t start with the letter “x”.)
There’s plenty of research out there indicating that grateful people are happier. Every day, write down at least one thing you’re thankful for. I’ve tried it out for myself and it’s definitely helped me to appreciate life more fully!
Y: Yearn for long-term (and not merely short-term) success
First of all, it’s crucial that we define success for ourselves. If we simply accept society’s definition of success, we might rack up countless achievements, but fail to find the fulfillment we were looking for.
It’s only when we've defined -- at a personal level -- what success means to us that we can focus on building enduring, rather than fleeting, success.
Z: Zip your mouth when you don’t have anything helpful to say
Lady Dorothy Nevill, who lived in London in the 1800s, wisely observed, “The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”
If all of us obeyed this rule, there would be far fewer hurt feelings and broken relationships in this world.
In closing…
We can’t give away what we don’t already have, so if we want to make the lives of others better and happier, we need to first take care of our own well-being and happiness.
I hope these 26 tips will help you to do just that!
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Monday, August 26, 2013
25 Things I Want To Know
Me on my 25th birthday
by Mary Schmidt
I turned 25 this year and I had a bit of a quarter life crisis. I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing and I was looking for advice on how to navigate this crazy adventure that is my 20’s. So for my birthday I asked my family to write a letter to themselves at 25, imparting some kind of wisdom or advice to their former self that they wish they had known at my age. My family is pretty cool and they are all people who I look up to, so I was excited to see what they would have to say.
I have loved reading the responses I have received (I actually might have used one or two of them). Reading their letters inspired me to write down things I want myself to know now, at 25. So I did. Without further ado, here is my list of 25:
1.Most of the time, you don’t know anything about anything. That was true when you were 15 and that will be true when you are 65. You do, however, know how to be a good person and you know how to follow your heart. Keep doing that and you’ll be just fine.
2.Don’t go on Facebook so much. Seriously, it’s a waste of time.
3.You’re 25. You’re not in college anymore. You know how to cook a healthy meal. STOP EATING TOP RAMEN, your body doesn’t like it.
4.Also, it’s time to start drinking a little more responsibly. You started too young and you’ve been in this game for over a decade. However, unlike when you were 15 no one is going to think you are any cooler for taking that extra tequila shot. Slow down on the booze.
5.Remember to always love your big strong legs, your bubble butt, the plumpness of your head, the way your eyes squint when you smile, and the petiteness of your lips. They are precious family heirlooms that have been handed down to you from generations of brilliantly beautiful people.
6.Be grateful for that moment when you decided to stop being such a sarcastic asshole and let your guard down long enough to fall in love and let someone fall in love with you. Even if it ends in heartbreak, it is still one of the greatest adventures you have been on.
7.Speaking of adventure, keep doing it. Travel the world as often as money and time will allow because you know how invaluable those experiences are but don’t forget about the smaller adventures. Those weekend getaways with your best friends, the 3 days spent caravanning around the state to help your brother and sister-in-law move into a new house, or the afternoons spent in a retirement community with your parents. Those experiences are just as invaluable and they fill your soul.
8.Always make time for your parents. They might live for another 67 years…but they probably won’t. Enjoy the time you spend with them. Don’t try to rush off the phone when they are telling you about their week. Enjoy getting to know them as their adult child and realize that they still have a lot to teach you.
9.In fact, make time for everyone in your life. You have a lot of people in your life who you love and who love you, be grateful. Don’t ever become one of those people who just gets too “busy.” Make time for the walk in the park, the cup of coffee, the glass of wine, the phone conversation. Make time.
10.Posture. Work on that. That curve in your back is going to be a lot more painful when you’re 70.
11.You’re kind of turning into a grouch. Stop that. Immediately. Yes, life has thrown you some pretty awful curve balls over the years. That will continue to happen until you die, it’s part of life. Let it make you grateful for all that you have. Let it make you stronger for having made it through. Let it make you compassionate for the 7 billion other people in the world who are dealing with their own struggles. Don’t let it make you bitter, don’t let it make you cynical, and DO NOT, whatever you do, let it take away your sunshine.
12.Stop comparing yourself to your peers. You do you. You’re good at that.
13.Stop worrying so much about what your job is going to be. It’s boring. Yes, you need to make money. But more importantly, you need to make a life for yourself. You need to make community. You need to make yourself and others happy. You need to make the world a better place. There are a lot of other things you need to make, don’t get so caught up in finding a job that you forget to make them.
14.Keep writing. Know that some of the things you write will be really bad. Write anyway. Write because it makes you happy. Write because it’s important to have hobbies. Write because sometimes, on very rare occasions, the things you write will be more powerful than you would have ever thought possible.
15.Keep going after the life that you want live. I am going to be really pissed if 65 year old Mary is sitting alone in a house in the suburbs with 10 cats. Unless of course somewhere along the way that is what I decided I want, in which case it’s totally fine.
16.It is good to have a plan but remember that it is OK to wander off the path a little and get lost. You have an amazing support system that will be there with you through it all.
17.Please don’t sell out. You’re better than that.
18.Be thankful that you are the youngest in your family and you have been able to learn from the mistakes of your siblings. But also be thankful that you are able to learn from their success and the wonderful people they have become.
19.Be fearless and be brave. You are no longer the two year old little girl who was scared to go in the sand and walk down stairs. You are the young woman who has traveled the world, worked for causes you believed in and taken on a multinational financial institution. You are brave and you are fearless. Don’t forget it.
20.Even though you really want a dog, wait. You can barely take care of a fish.
21.Same goes for kids. Just wait. I’m sure you’ll make a great mom one day but that day doesn’t have to be anytime soon.
22.Read more books. Blogs are great. Online media is great. But don’t forget to close your computer every once and awhile and pick up a real book or a newspaper.
23.Believe in something bigger than you. Something that you will never understand. Whether it’s God or the Universe just believe in something because when everything else fails, which is bound to happen, all you’ll have left is your faith that things will get better.
24.Always spend time in nature. Work in the garden and get dirt in your nails. Look up at the redwoods and know that you will never see the top. Stand at the edge of the ocean and wonder what’s beyond the horizon. Take it all in.
25.Lastly, I think you’re wonderful. You forget this sometimes so I just wanted to remind you.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
10 Things Winner Do Differently
10 Things Winners Do Differently
Anyone can give up, and lots of people do, because it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to keep going when everyone would understand if you stopped, that’s what winners do differently. In fact, this is the most significant principle of winning. Because without this kind of determination and persistence, the first nine points in this article wouldn’t matter. But when you combine determination and persistence, as described in point #10 below, with each of the other nine points below, that’s when the real magic happens.
On their relentless road to victory, winners…
1.Take 100% responsibility. – Your life is your statement to the world, representing your values, beliefs, and dreams. It is yours to create, to enjoy or not enjoy, to fight or to be at peace. In the end, the very best years of your life will be the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your parents, society, or the economy. You realize that you control your own destiny. Read The Road Less Traveled.
2.Focus on the controllable. – Life is a balance between what we can and cannot control. You must learn to live comfortably between effort and surrender. Life does not owe you anything; it has already given you everything you need. Freedom is not overcoming what you think stands in your way; it is understanding that what is in your way is part of the way.
3.Eliminate the wrong things. – The true price of anything you do is the amount of time you exchange for it. If something you’re doing or thinking isn’t fixing or improving the situation, then it’s wasting your time. There comes a point when you have to choose between turning the page and closing the book.
4.Maintain control. – Start shaping your own days. Start walking your own walk. This journey is yours. You know you were born, and you know you will die. The in between is all up to you. Stop wishing, and start doing. Either you run your days, or your days will run you.
5.Keep good company. – It’s not always where you are in life, but who you have by your side that matters most. Some people drain you and others provide soul food. Be sure to get in the company of those who feed your spirit, and give the gift of your absence to those who do not appreciate your presence.
6.Think constructively. – Change your thoughts and you change your reality. Our thoughts are the makers of our moods, the inventors of our dreams, and the creators of our will. That is why you must sort through them carefully, and choose to respond only to those that will help you build the life you want, and the outlook you want to hold as you’re living it. Read Learned Optimism.
7.Conquer oneself. – Being yourself is the foundation of happiness. Knowing yourself is the foundation of wisdom. Pushing yourself is the foundation of success. It is better to conquer yourself is these ways, than to win a hundred battles elsewhere in life.
8.Practice self-love. – We need to fix ourselves first before we fix others. Caring for yourself is not an act of self-indulgence, it’s an act of self-respect. The day will finally come when you have to accept that you need to be your own caretaker. There will be times when you’ll have to work hard to mother yourself with the compassion and patience that any messed up kid would need. Doing so will prove to be a great challenge, but a happier life is your reward.
9.Work through the pain. – One day this pain will make sense to you. Sometimes it takes the worst pain to bring about the best change. The strongest people you know became strong because of the pain they once faced, and conquered. So in spite of all the put-downs and negativity you’ve heard from others in your life, stay focused on your goals, and remember that how you rise up is no one else’s business but your own. Read Man’s Search for Meaning.
10.Keep going. – No matter what you do, no matter how many times you screw up and think to yourself that there’s no point to carry on, and no matter how many people tell you that you can’t do it – keep going. Pick yourself back up. Don’t quit. Don’t quit, because a few months from now you will be so much closer to your goal than you are now. Focus on the road ahead. Do something today your future self will thank you for.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Happiness Is Not What We Truly Want
Happiness Is Not What We Truly Want
Happiness isn't what we truly want in life, says our blogger. Rather, we seek long-term fulfillment.
(Getty im …
As a student, do you remember reciting the National Pledge every day in school?
Do you remember that “happiness” is a key word in the Pledge?
Just in case you’ve forgotten exactly how the Pledge goes, here it is for your reference:
We, the citizens of Singapore,
pledge ourselves as one united people,
regardless of race, language or religion,
to build a democratic society
based on justice and equality
so as to achieve happiness, prosperity
and progress for our nation.
What we do in the pursuit of happiness
When former Deputy Prime Minister S. Rajaratnam wrote the Pledge, I’m sure he intentionally chose the order in which the words “happiness”, “prosperity” and “progress” appear.
It’s noteworthy that “happiness” comes first.
As a nation, we prioritize happiness, and all of us want to achieve it.
(Personally, I believe that happiness isn’t something you achieve; rather, it’s something you discover and embrace every day, but that’s the topic of another article.)
In the pursuit of happiness, we…
•Accumulate the 5 Cs
•Go on vacations
•Eat at nice restaurants
•Buy a new house
•Get married
•Have children
•Strive for career success
•Buy a new phone
Happiness vs. satisfaction vs. fulfillment
Since we spend so much of our time and energy pursuing happiness, I think it’s vital that we examine the whole notion of happiness more carefully.
I recently read this Forbes article, which gave me fresh insights into the differences between happiness, satisfaction and fulfillment.
Level 1: Happiness
Happiness is a temporary emotion that we associate with pleasurable experiences.
Happiness is what you feel when you go on a roller coaster ride, eat durian (assuming you like durian), party all night, or go for drinks with your friends.
“Shiok” (or “shiok-ness”, if you want to be grammatically correct) is usually a synonym for “happiness”.
Level 2: Satisfaction
The next level is satisfaction. This is the feeling you get when you realize your goals or rack up accomplishments.
You feel satisfied when you get a job promotion, surpass your sales target, or overcome the odds to achieve your dream.
Level 3: Fulfillment
The highest level is fulfillment. You feel fulfilled when you have a sense of mission and purpose in whatever you’re doing.
You might be performing a job as a cleaner or a road sweeper, but it’s still possible to find fulfillment, because you know deep down that your contributions are valuable.
On the other hand, if you’re the CEO of a huge company, but you’re motivated solely by greed, you’re probably not going to find fulfillment.
Fulfillment is about being purpose-driven, not performance-driven. It’s about the pursuit of excellence, not perfection.
To paraphrase venture capitalist Guy Kawasaki, it’s how you feel when you seek to make meaning, not money.
Your happiness and satisfaction aren't always in your control
There’s no doubt that external factors can affect your levels of happiness and satisfaction.
Can’t afford to buy a car?
Don’t have enough money to go on vacation?
Your boss chose to promote your colleague instead of you?
Your children aren't well-behaved?
These are circumstances that could certainly make you unhappy and dissatisfied.
We want fulfillment more than we want happiness
But I dare say that, at a deeper level, we don’t want happiness or satisfaction. We want long-lasting fulfillment.
It takes an intentional effort to find purpose and meaning in whatever roles you have in life, whether it’s as a student, parent, employee or entrepreneur.
It takes a willingness to reflect on who you are, who you want to become, and what values you want to live by. It most definitely takes commitment and courage to live a principles-centered life that will result in fulfillment.
Fulfillment doesn't happen by luck
But the good news is that finding fulfillment doesn't happen by chance. It happens by choice.
We need to take full responsibility for our attitude and our decisions.
When we choose to make the best of every situation, when we choose to show people that they matter, when we choose to embrace life—all of it, not just the joyous moments—that’s when we put ourselves in a position to find fulfillment.
In closing
There’s no doubt that happiness and satisfaction are important parts of life.
There would be something missing in our lives if we didn't have any “shiok” experiences or if we didn't have the opportunity to attain our goals, right?
But let’s not short-change ourselves and our country by focusing on happiness and satisfaction, when what we really want is fulfillment.
Daniel Wong is a learning and personal development expert, as well as a certified youth counselor. A sought-after speaker and coach, he is also the best-selling author of "The Happy Student: 5 Steps to Academic Fulfillment and Success". He offers programmes to help students become both happy and successful and to help parents to connect more effectively with their children. He writes regularly at www.daniel-wong.com. Download his FREE e-book, "The Unhappiness Manifesto: Do You Make These 150 Mistakes In The Pursuit Of Happiness?", here.
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