Ohana Means Family

OHANA MEANS FAMILY

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them 

complained of family problems.

Finally, the other man said, "You think you have family problems? 

Listen. A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up 

daughter, and we got married. Later my father married my 

stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father 

became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her 

father-in-law.

"Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy 

was my half-brother because he was my father's son, but he was also 

the son of my wife's daughter, which made him my wife's grandson. 

That made me the grandfather of my half-brother.

"This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister 

of my son, my stepmother, is also the grandmother. This makes my 

father the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my 

father's wife. I'm my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her 

own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I'm my own 

grandfather. Now - tell me about your family problems."

I don't know if sorting out your family is a problem. A bigger issue 

for many of us is that we want more from family life than just 

knowing who's who, and more than we're presently getting.

One of the most common complaints I hear from families is that they 

are not close. They may be close in proximity, but still not feel 

close as a family. They may live next door or even in the same 

house, but feel more like strangers.

Hawaiians have a powerful word for family: 'ohana. In 'ohana, people 

matter. And they know it. As Lilo says in "Lilo and Stitch, "'Ohana 

means family. Family means no one is left behind - or forgotten." 

Families that value closeness work hard to keep anyone from feeling 

left behind or forgotten.

In my family, closeness is not so much about latitude as about 

attitude. We live far apart from one another, so we need a 

willingness to do what it takes. We feel closest when we feel 

understood, when we feel loved and when we look forward to time we 

can spend together. When we succeed, no one feels left behind - or 

forgotten.

A reader in Hawaii once wrote to tell me that the CEO of one of the 

state's largest banks was considering a run for governor. Since he 

was well-liked, he seemed to have a good chance of winning.

But, before filing papers, he changed his mind, stating that he 

wanted to spend more time with his family. Not that elected 

officials can't be family-oriented, but he reasoned he needed more 

time at home than the job allowed.

Ronald A. Young, in the "Honolulu Advertiser," praised the decision. 

"No matter what you accomplish in the business world or the social 

world," he said, "if you fail 'ohana, then you have not accomplished 

much. Failure or success does not lie in the material wealth you 

provide them. It is measured by what of yourself you give to them."

And that's the question, isn't it? What of myself do I give to them? 

What am I willing to give to 'ohana? Because no one should be left 

behind - or forgotten.

-- Steve Goodier